Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My cat gives me a boner
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think I just sharted jello shots
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