He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't put those talents on a resume
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
