I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
