I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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