I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
