:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
