What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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