Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
