She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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