he puts the penis in happiness.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
