if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
