it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
