I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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