R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
