I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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