Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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