His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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