If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
