I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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