you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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