Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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