i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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