i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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