she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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