I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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