i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
