I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
