Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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