dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
