Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
