There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
