you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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