youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Found the puke drawer
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
