I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
