Plan B is the new Plan A
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
