I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
