I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Are we still banned from the library?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
