We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
