he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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