I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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