angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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