My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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