and she was petting her beer can
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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