guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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