WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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