We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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