They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
