Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
