I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
