id be glad to
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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