Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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