My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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